Poor Linda...______ Finally Got Her

There are soooo many possibilities for filling in the blank.

My daughter would say,

"Lack of exercise" 

Of course, I'm planning to change that today.

Some of my friends would say,

"Consumption of Splenda, Sweet 'n Low, Equal, etc"
 

I personally might say,

"Her sugar-coated arteries"

Because however many teeth I have, that's how many

sweet-teeth I have.

This way of filling in the blank would be 

completely accurate:

"That girl never had five servings of fruits and

vegetables a day in her life."

(Well, maybe a few days.) 
  

Skeptics may say,

"Those nasty statin drugs she took"

but without them it would be...

"Her high cholesterol"
  

Here's a likely one:

"She dried up and blew away because she didn't

drink her 64+ ounces of water yesterday!"
(whilst enduring the pain of her latest kidney stone.)
 

She slipped and failed to take her

"Citracal, fish oil, folic acid, selenium, Centrum Silver,

glucosamine-chondroitin, baby aspirin, vitamin D3,

CoQ 10, and/or Vitamin B12"

or...
 

She TOOK

"Citracal, fish oil, folic acid, selenium, Centrum Silver,

glucosamine-chondroitin, baby aspirin, vitamin D3,

CoQ 10 and Vitamin B12"

  

She 

"continued to eat cereal with milk"

even though she heard that

85% of us are lactose intolerant.

She 

"failed to floss her teeth day before yesterday"

to which her heart succumbed.

She

"was a lazy butt rear thing who did not thoroughly

slather herself with SPF 30+ on a consistent basis."

So kids, don't bother with an autopsy.  Just make

a wheel and spin.  Wherever the arrow points

will be a good enough guess.