And as for Me vs. Alzheimer's...

From now on you may just call me Nancy...
Reagan, that is.
By 2001 I had my plan mapped out.

I would "stand by my man" just like she stood by hers.

I would fiercely protect and defend him.

And...

I would hire round the clock helpers if it became

necessary, but

I would never place him anywhere outside his home.
This was my plan for at least 5 years, 
and you best not have argued or tried to reason with me.
I took a vow to "have and to hold him,
for better or for worse, in sickness or in health,
until death do us part."

I had very valid reasons for being adamantly

opposed to "nursing homes."

My mother was physically mistreated in one

before she was 50 years old.

Jack's mother, who also had Alzheimer's,

died in one which was conveniently close

 but not ideal by a long shot.

 My noble plan worked fine in the beginning.

I protected him by never telling anyone.

I, therefore, didn't have to defend him

(except to that female neurologist in Dallas!)

I did often cover for him.

When he was obviously not remembering

something, I would say,

"You remember thus and such," and

he would usually go along with me.

I always got a table for 2 on our cruises, so

his inability to remember would not be exposed. 

********************************

Just a little aside here...

In September of 2003 we cruised through

the Panama Canal on the

Coral Princess.

Here we are at our first formal dinner.

Now this is, technically at least, a

"table for two by the windows."

(Their most popular request.)

That's a window right by us looking out on the

beautiful sea.

There is, however, a problem with this

particular table for two.

There are only inches between it and another

table for 2.

Might as well have been a table for 4!

It made for tense dinners for me, as
Jack neither remembered what he had said
nor what he had heard
the night before.

I was always relieved when Frank and Josephine

opted to dine elsewhere!

********************************

I was shocked to receive a phone call in 2002

from the chairman of the Board of Directors

at the bank where Jack served.

(NOT wonderful Skip Leffler--he was

President)

I did not react appropriately, and it

was a lesson learned.

He told me "they" were worried about

Jack's memory.

(Actually it was he who was, not they.)

Instead of reacting calmly and matter-of-factly, I

poured out my heart.

Wrong person.  Wrong decision.

Be more careful, Nancy.

I don't remember how long Jack kept going to

the office daily.

I do remember a rare incident in 2003

when he came home after riding with someone

all day to look at the jobs in progress.

He told me, very sadly, that

he didn't think he could handle a job any more.
("Handle" meant oversee it from his office.)

That, however, was an unusual moment of clarity.

He usually thought he could still do

anything he could ever do.

Big gigantic problem!!!

Remember my quote about AD?

"If you've seen one case of Alzheimer's Disease...

you've seen one case of Alzheimer's Disease."

In our case,

we rarely talked about it.

He knew he had it, but he was going to beat it.

I knew he had it, but I was going to handle it.

Actually, neither was going to happen.