My Love/Hate Relationship With Mosquitoes

It's very simple.

They LOVE me. I HATE them.

This is an actual photograph of my hand
from last summer.
(Just keeding! Only felt like this!)

Worst part? I wasn't outside.
I was inside the sanctity of my own home!



Yes, the vultures would attack me at night when I
was sleeping and bite my hands and face!
They would wake me up buzzing in my ear
and then elude me when I tried to annihilate them.
I tried to sleep in gloves and cover up my face.
When I sat in my recliner in the glass room they
would bite my feet and ankles.
Pitiful is what I was. Just pitiful.


Anyone who entered my home last summer had
to come around through the garage.
Those horrible creatures swarmed my front
porch and my back door.
One day late in the summer a fireman 
rang my doorbell.
I hesitated but decided I best not ask him
to go around to the garage!
(They had been sent to the wrong address.)


I was going to assemble all the things I bought
to try to survive the summer of the mosquito,
but I have thrown too many of them away for
a photo to have the proper impact!
If anyone told me anything that might help,
I bought two. Nothing worked.
Except this.

I set it right by my bed last year and had the 

true joy of zapping a few of those nasty beasts!

But...a few will no longer do it.

"Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!"

You mosquitoes have pushed me beyond my limit.

I contracted with ABC Pest Control 

to insure that I can live at peace in my own home

and yard this year. They guarantee it!

They've already sprayed and put out two spitoon

shaped pots (one in front and one in back), 

the contents of which they promise spell doom

 for the hideous pests.

They will be back every month, or more often

if any of them dares to appear in my field of vision.

So far I am impressed.

I can go on my front porch without fighting my way

through a cloud of mosquitoes.

There are none sitting on the back windows.

I haven't been bitten a single time.

I'm just left wishing I could have heard this sermon.

Amen.