My Recovery

Two months ago today I had a total replacement of my right knee. I cheerfully told you a good bit about my plans for the surgery in two blogs. If you haven't read or have forgotten, (surely you wouldn't!) just click below.

Why Chicago for a New Knee?

I'm Set for the Main Event!

My plan for the surgery was very successful. I got first class treatment and suffered very little pain or fear! I wasn't quite able to climb those stairs on the day of surgery, but I could walk with a walker, so I was zipped right on out of there! We Ubered back to our hotel. 

After the surgery with Dr. Berger.

The next morning a physical therapist came to our hotel room and showed me the exercises I would need to do. I did them all, expressing practically no pain. (Susan videoed it!) So far, so good! And so full of pain medications!

On morning two, the derailing of my plan began. I was too sick to do anything--even take the pain meds. I was dehydrated, weak, and nauseous. Dr. Berger's nurses had told us to call them about anything with the exception of a 911 emergency. I told Susan to call 911.

I was picked up by a Chicago ambulance and carried to a hospital about which we knew nothing. The ER was full, so I was on a gurney along a wall. I don't remember very much about that day except that I was so scared. And so worried about my poor Susan. 

My ride

You may have heard that I was diagnosed with a pulmonary embolism--blood clots in my lungs. I was in the hospital for six days. And it was not just any hospital! It was Northwestern Memorial, ranked #16 on one list I saw of top hospitals in the country. Coincidence that I landed there? 

Rob flew to Chicago to help us and stayed in our hotel room, which turned out to be only two blocks from the hospital. My sweet girl stayed with me at night. I must say that hospital stay was anything but taxing for me! I had a great time--loved all the staff, food was good, and I did not have enough pain to need pain medication! I was also not doing any therapy. 

This is Brock, one of my nurses. Poor me.

Susan immediately got on the phone with Madeline

to see if she could come visit me!

We flew home just four days later than our originally scheduled plan. I did great! I even ate pizza at the airport! 

There is a reason that you are not reading this until two months after the surgery. It's called "setbacks." They began, of course, with the blood clots and piled on when I got home. 

I won't go into any detail about the next big setback. If you have ever taken pain medicine after surgery you may have experienced similar "digestive nightmares." Mine were to the extent that I had to have my stomach Xrayed. Yes, it was scary.

However, at two weeks three days post surgery, I was walking well. Jay took this picture of me.

Then...just three days later I woke up with severe pain in my surgery leg. Neither my primary care doctor nor my in home therapist had any idea what could be causing it. So Susan and I called it a pulled muscle. It got so bad that I could put no weight on that leg at all. I was barely able to get around on my walker. I was so afraid, but I made a big mistake here. Since I couldn't visit my surgeon, I didn't call him. When I went for my follow up visit just last week he told me it was probably a hematoma caused by my being on blood thinner. This "pulled muscle"/hematoma took 11 days out of my recovery progress. 

By this time I was gripped by fear. I didn't want to be or choose to be--but I was. My brain was shrouded with a depression laced fog. I woke up every morning unable to control my thoughts or emotions. I was vaguely nauseated constantly. I wanted to believe I was going to get well, but I felt as though I had traded my mind for a new knee. It was really bad for me, for my family, and for my friends. Where was my faith?

This feeling actually began soon after I got home. At first we blamed the hydrocodone and left it off. I got better, but very temporarily. I had good periods in which I was distracted by friends and did very well. But my mind seemed to be always ready to lapse into the fear and depression. I was not interested in doing any of the things I enjoy, like watching tv or reading. I didn't call or text my friends. 

Early on I had another complication. I completely lost my appetite. I could actually go all day without eating. Now this sounds appealing to those of us who are always trying to lose weight, but it was scary to me since I was desperately trying to heal and get better. There was a good side to this problem, however. I lost weight, and the loss validated my claim that something was wrong with me. This is something you can't "do to yourself." But no professional ever mentioned the reason I have come to believe caused all of these side effects.

I believe I suffered post surgery depression. This condition is well documented online. I think it was greatly exacerbated by my age. Although I feared general anesthesia because of my age, it never occurred to me that the girl with the exclamation point life could fall into a depressed state. Here is a quote I found in an article online which sounds uncomfortably close to how I felt: "I stopped hoping for a future filled with joy and meaning. Life began to look like one long, painful, sad slog into the grave." I hated not being independent and being a burden to my children. Susan spent many days and nights with me. Jay brought me food (of my choice) every night for weeks.

My doctor eliminated, increased, and added medications. But on Tuesday of this week, I believe it was God who rescued me. I woke up with a clear mind and a thankful heart praising Him! Today I am almost giddy with joy and thankfulness. The exclamation points are back!!!!!!! 

I feel that God cared for me in spite of myself, every step of the way. It was not coincidence that I landed in that hospital so able to help me in Chicago. I definitely believe in using the resources and helpers He provides, but only God can make us well.

My strongest prayer in the Chicago hospital was, "God, please heal me *so that* I may live to help others. I pray that something I have related might be a help to you now or in the future. I don't have any amazing solutions or answers, but I would be so very glad for you to call me or message me just to talk if you have had or ever have an experience like mine. I promise I will be a great listener and empathizer.

And most of all, if you don't have Jesus in your life, don't let another day go by without joining up with Him. During my darkest hours, I might not have been able to believe that He was going to make me well, but I still knew that I was His and that I was going to spend eternity with Him. I can't imagine facing life--much less surgery without Him.

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My references to *so that* refer to a sermon preached on January 7, 2018, by our beloved pastor, Jason Paredes. It is one of the best I've heard in my long life. I believe you'll be able to hear it and be blessed if you...

   CLICK HERE