A New Game for "The Bachelor!"

Yes.  I was never ever going to watch this show again.

Here's what happened.

Someone saw Ben on a preview and told me that

he seemed very wholesome--kinda like Sean.

So...I decided I might just check it out and watched 

the first episode.

And the second.

And the third.

 I can't think of anything to say on my own behalf.

I'm not going to ask if you watch, because

I don't want to put you under that kind of pressure.

But, if you do...

 Here's my idea for a new sub plot.

I'm calling it "The "LIKE" Jar."

Supplies needed:  A Large jar with a slit in the top.

Participants will require a supply of dollar bills.

(Some more than others.)

Here are the rules.

Every time a participant on the show says the word

"LIKE"

she {or he}

 must deposit a dollar in the jar.

Now I don't know if you've noticed or not

(actually, how could you miss it!)

but the girls on this show are eminently qualified

to participant in my game.

They can work more "LIKES" into a

sentence than there are words.

Last night I did some preliminary research on

the feasability of my idea.

I had recorded "The Trashelor Bachelor on Monday.

I got my pad and pen and my remote,

and I painstakingly played the thing back,

tallying the "LIKES". 

 

I'm going to show you just the first page

of my tally, so you can see how real I am!

 Those first two entries are false starts.

(The ones scribbled out.)

They were "LIKING" so fast that I had to

back up and start over--twice!  I couldn't keep up!

By the first commercial, the word

LIKE

had been said 24 times.

It's mostly the girls, but actually Ben

 throws out quite a few "LIKES" himself.

I'm going to try to give you a little example

from the very beginning of the show...

 "Olivia said that she spent LIKE $40,000 on clothes."

"She constantly wants to make you know that she's

LIKE better."

"It's LIKE I don't get it.  LIKE there's so many LIKE

great girls in the house where it's LIKE I see 

LIKE where Ben really LIKE likes them."  

   

I am not kidding or exaggerating. These are direct quotes! 

(And I know that last one doesn't quite make sense!)

So what's the final verdict?

Not including the preview,

there were a grand total of 284 "LIKES"!

What I haven't decided is what should be done

with the dollars collected
After all, $284 is just the beginning
We've got LIKE weeks to go!

One possibility is plastic surgery for Olivia's ugly toes.

Another is removal of Lace's tattoo--

you know the one--

"You can't love someone else until you truly love yourself."

It's not workin' all that well for her. 

Or, poor Jami.  Maybe the money could buy her a cat

for her collection.
She's through with humans, you know.
(I don't know if we could buy her a human, anyway.)

I can honestly say this show is even dumber

when you watch it a second time!

I will not be tallying for y'all again!

By the way, if you're a closet watcher,

be sure to read Sheaffer's recaps at

pinteresttoldmeto.blogspot.com

They are the funniest things ever!

One season my excuse for watching was just so

I could appreciate Sheaffer's recaps more!

 

    

 

 

 

What's On Your Nightstand?

I read in a most reliable source

(one of the many catalogs that I receive)

that this is becoming a new, popular pick-up line.

Actually, it was in an ad for a t-shirt for book lovers.

So...the answer is supposed to involve what one is

reading at the present time.

You know--what book is on your nightstand.

Before I caught the book part, I started thinking

literally about what is on my nightstand{s}.

Not much.

There certainly isn't a book there.

First, it's sad, but I don't read books any more.

No, no--I still read.  It's just that I read from my Kindle.

Second, my Kindle would not be on my nightstand

because I couldn't stay awake for two pages

if I were trying to read in my warm comfy bed.

Everything on my nightstands has a purpose.

 That purpose is: to look pretty.

This is so ridiculous, but it's true.

There are lamps which provide light.

But that is not their main purpose.

They are carefully chosen because they look pretty.

There are no tissues or chap stick.

Because they aren't pretty.

I have to get up and traipse to the bathroom for them 
if I have the need.

One nightstand does have an interesting item on it.

That lighted bowl on the bottom shelf is a

Himalayan salt lamp.

I bought it somewhere on my cruise to Iceland.

I'm working on remembering where.

I'm also going to read up on these lamps.

I think they may be beneficial in some way 

other than looking pretty.
(The little birdy is not salt--just 
blissfully color compatible.)
 

And, wait!  There is also that pair of antique binoculars!

I'm pretty sure we bought them in Germany.

(Well, sort of sure...I think...maybe it was Germany.)

They look so darn good with the mural--

get it?  You look at the ocean through the binocs!



I know you may be skeptical as to the likelihood of
me encountering a pick up line.
Well, it actually happened on my last cruise.
The line was not really very original
(or very audible.)
It was, "Can I buy you a drink?"
And my response was:
"What was that?"
"Can I buy you a drink?"
"Oh, no thank you" in a flustered manner.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, but thanks."
I jokingly told my tablemates that you'd think
he could have at least asked me what my
sign was first!
(Just keeding.  I'm definitely not into "signs.")
(But that's the only pickup line I know knew!)



So...can't you just hear it now on my next cruise.
"Hey there.  What's on your nightstand?"
"A Himalayan salt lamp and antique binoculars."
"Ohhh.  Nice talkin' to ya."