Another April 10th

Before Jack passed away, I was an expert on grieving--at least my own.  I told everyone that I had had ten years to prepare.  I very genuinely appreciated all the beautiful cards and words of comfort I received, but I turned down any offers of support groups or anything of the sort because I was going to be fine.  It's been two years today, and I think I'm still not exactly fine.

If you're on Facebook you may have seen Susan's beautiful post yesterday--a rather bad day for me.  I really clung to the precious encouragement she gave me, as well as to the responses of so many treasured friends.

 I remembered this morning that I am doing better this year than last.  I didn't go to sleep last year until after 2:00 A.M., the time he breathed his last breath.  I still was surprised that this feeling of sadness has been creeping up on me for several days.  Actually, I had listened to a song on my iPod a while back and foolishly thought I would be able to post it as applying to me on this anniversary:

Sometimes a day goes by, one whole entire day, when I don't think of him
Twenty four hours pass, I look around and find...that I haven't thought of him
Not even when I'm somewhere we used to go, not even if there's someone we used to know
It's hardly every day, it's most unusual, in fact, I can't remember when, but
Sometimes a day goes by that I don't think of him, til morning comes and then...
There he is again.

Forgetting Jack for a whole day?  This is not happening, oh grief expert that I am!  I can't believe I ever thought it would.  We were together every day for 52 years.  He was and is an integral part of everything that is important to me!   The good memories surround me.  I think of him many times every day.

I read a great book this year called Major Pettigrew's Last Stand.  The major was a widower, and I underlined something said about his grief which impressed me.  "It surprised him that his grief was sharper than in the past few days.  He had forgotten that grief does not decline in a straight line or along a slow curve like a graph in a child's math book."   I think that sort of decline is exactly what I was expecting.

 God just placed a scripture in my mind as I was writing this.  It is Proverbs 3:5-6.  "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.   In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path." 

Charleigh-Girl's Trip to the Salon!

Friday is always hair-do day for me.  Today it was for Charleigh-Girl too.  She went to The Pines Pet Pampering to get beautified.  Now the Pines is miles away in Joshua, but her highness must have the best.
 
She very willingly went in the front door, but once she realized I was not staying, she changed her mind.  Here she is, however, looking pretty content in her "waiting room."  (All photos were graciously taken by the groomers.)

Now here she is being de-shedded.  As you can imagine, Charleigh-Girl sheds profusely!

As she gets situated for the bath, I can't tell what this look is.  A yawn?  One of her lopsided smiles?  Seriously, she smiles at me.  I have witnesses.  At any rate, she looks very relaxed!

Here she goes--rub-a-dub-dub!

I actually have this same pose of Maddie and Susie! 

And this one--in her Turbi-Twist!!  Isn't she adorable?

After blow-drying it was time to pick the girl up.  When I arrived, there was no one at the front desk.  I had to open the front door several times before the young man on duty heard the buzzer and knew I was there.  When I said the first word to him, Charleigh-Girl began barking from back in the recesses!  She couldn't see me but recognized my voice--from quite a distance.  So here she is in "her" car (Jack's Navigator) all clean and fluffy and ready to go home!

And here she is ready for Easter dinner!

This is where she headed when we got home.  From the time we got C-G I have insisted this be referred to as her "palace."  I've only recently realized that she actually likes it, even though various people and family members tried to convince me that she would. 

A day of beauty can be exhausting!

Untitled Hymn

It was Wednesday--choir rehearsal night--several weeks ago.  We got out music for the first time for an "Untitled Hymn."  The minute we started singing I got all excited! (Can you imagine?  Me...excited?!!)  I had placed this song on my iPod several years ago.  I still remember the first time I heard it.  I was at Grubbs Infiniti getting an oil change.  Grubbs is a Christian owned company which plays Christian music on their waiting room speakers.  The receptionist helped me figure out what it was.

I loved this song for the beauty of its melody and words.  However, when Jim Parks, our minister of music, asked what the song was really saying, I couldn't answer.  Jim walked us through the words very thoughtfully.  He showed us the progression of the verses with profound insight.

It begins with a person who does not know Jesus.
Weak and wounded sinner, lost and left to die; O, raise your head for love (Jesus) is passin' by.
Come to Jesus, come to Jesus, come to Jesus and live!

Then that person meets and embraces Jesus.
Now your burden's lifted and carried far away, and precious blood has washed away the stain.
So sing to Jesus, sing to Jesus, sing to Jesus and live!

That person then begins a walk with Jesus, not being afraid to start as a child, with small steps. 
Like a newborn baby, don't be afraid to crawl.  And remember when you walk sometimes you fall.
So fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus, fall on Jesus and live!

I can particularly identify with this verse, as can many of you--a time of troubles.
Sometimes the way is lonely, and steep and filled with pain, so if your sky is dark and pours the rain,
Then cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus, cry to Jesus and live!

And right now praise the Lord, I can heartily identify with this--immeasurable joy!
And when the love spills over, and music fills the night, and when you can't contain your joy inside,
Then dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus, dance for Jesus and live!  


Because of this verse, I may have to add this to the songs I wish to be sung at my funeral.
And with your final heartbeat, kiss the world goodbye, then go in peace and laugh on Glory's side.
And fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus, fly to Jesus and live! 

Now that I understand this song as the story of a weak and wounded sinner who comes to Jesus, lives for Jesus, and will live eternally with Jesus, I love it even more--if that is possible!  Come to Fielder Church this Sunday morning and hear me and almost a hundred others sing this with all our hearts and souls.  I will be feeling like I'm flying straight to Jesus!  Services are at 9:30 and 11:00.

By the way--it is listed on my iPod as "Untitled Hymn," but I think it can be found as "Come to Jesus" by Chris Rice on iTunes. 





    

Sisters

I have heard it said that the ideal family consists of father, mother, two daughters, and two sons, so that each child may experience having a brother and a sister.  Personally, I felt we had the ideal family when we had one daughter and one son!  I did not have a sister.  My daughter did not have a sister.  Even my daughter-in-love does not have a sister.  I did not realize the importance of a girl having a sister, until...

Susannah Logan Metzger was born on November 28, 1995.  Madeline Jane Metzger, born on October 6, 1993, now had a sister!  Wow!

Watching these two through the years has been amazing.  They are best friends even though competitors at times.  They share many of the same strengths, yet have some all their own.   

Admittedly there are times when the glories of having a sister have to be sought out.  There were those "Make her quit looking at me moments."  Maddie can arch one eyebrow (a la Scarlett O'Hara) when Susannah appears on the scene wearing her (Mad's) clothes head to toe!  Other times Maddie dresses Susannah in her clothes (and keeps track, I'm sure,  for future payback.)  Susannah will tell you right quick that the situation happens in reverse often, too.  Their wardrobes will be virtually cut in half when Maddie leaves for Austin in the fall.

I honestly did not realize how hard it was going to hit Susannah for Maddie to go away to college.  Here is a post she put on Facebook last month, right after Maddie made a decision to attend UT, evoking buckets of tears in our family.

Susannah's caption reads, "I'm gonna miss you so much next year."  (And a sad face with a tear.)  Madeline's reply, "Aw, Susannah, why do you do this to me,  I love you so much."  (With frowny face and hearts!)  The picture in the center is of the two of them singing at a fund raiser at The Grease Monkey.  Singing and acting are talents they definitely share.  The picture above and to the right is of them in costume for last year's musical, Sweeney Todd. The one I love the most is in the bottom left corner.  It is Madeline fixing Susannah's hair for a special occasion.  She also does her makeup--both beautifully.  The one of them holding the orange sign (which says "Oh, Susannah) is after Susannah competed in Martin Idol.  Madeline and her friends were a boisterous cheering section for Susie.  (She told me it was pretty great having a senior sister!)

The senior show choir members had Pops Night recently. I want you to see Susie's ad in the program for Maddie.

 Again, I'm going to have to interpret this, as I had to just photograph it.  At the top it says, "SISTERS...SISTERS  there were never such devoted sisters!  Sharing, caring, every little thing we are wearing...'Thanks for being my adviser, comforter, hairdresser, makeup artist, and best friend!  Not sure what I'm gonna do without you next year.  Love you :) - Susie"   So precious and so true.

What I also LOVE is a line from the song which is over to the left of the center picture.  "Lord help the sister who comes between me and my mister!!!"  That picture was taken on Martin Idol night when  Susannah just happened to be standing between Maddie and "her man," Thomas!!!  Couldn't have planned it better!!!

This life has held so many blessings for me that were unexpected.  Getting to experience the marvelous bonds of sisterhood through these two special creatures is one of the best.  This verse again expresses my feelings (and those of Susan and Rob in their ad for Madeline.)  "Now to Him who by the power at work within us is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, to Him be glory...in Christ Jesus for ever and ever."  Ephesians 3:20-21

Basking in Memories

It all started with this....

I have collected coffee mugs from our travels through the years. I'm sooo glad that was my souvenir of choice!  This one that I selected for my coffee this morning says "Coral Princess Inaugural Season."  I couldn't remember which cruise it was, so I turned here...

and here...

Now this is almost embarrassingly over the top O.C.D., but I promise it's my only extreme behavior!  I have 33 of those photo albums, one or sometimes two from each cruise Jack and I took together, and some from our land trips.  The first thing I did when we got home was get to work on the trip album!  The folders contain memorabilia from the trip, including all daily schedules.  Therefore...I can reminisce with great detail, and that's what I've been doing this morning.

This trip on the Coral Princess in 2003 was primarily a Panama Canal cruise.  It was not only new, it was a beauty of a ship.  I called it "the ship with blue eyes."

Looking back this morning, there are a couple of things about this cruise that make it particularly memorable in hindsight.  We always requested a "table for two by the windows," even before Jack was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.  Here we are.  It would seem we got our wish.

However, there is a drawback to this table for two.  See the glasses in the right hand corner?  Well...that's the corner of another table for two which is very close to ours, making this virtually a table for four!  See?

Although this is just September of 2003, only about three years after Jack's diagnosis, he was already having enough memory problems that he could not remember a thing Frank and Josephine had told him the previous nights.  That gave me the job of attempting to cover for him, defeating the purpose of the table just for us!  Not a major problem--but a reminder to me this morning of the progression of the illness.

Another memorable event is surprising in the other direction.  We liked to take pictures of each other on our balcony when the ship was in a port.  Here is Jack's picture of me.

And here is my picture of him.

The amazing thing about this is that first, Jack was still able to go down to the pier and back to our stateroom by himself.  Second, you will notice that he zoomed in on me (this was actually his second shot.)  Not too many trips later he was unable to take my picture at all.

I must include this shot of us in Puntarenas, Costa Rica, with the beautiful Coral Princess in the background.  We had to tip a guy in the shoreside market to take it for us!

Last, here is a picture of my "pack mule," I lovingly called him.  This was a two week cruise, and we were the best dressed people on the ship!  (Or if we weren't, we certainly should have been!)  Don't you know Jack would have been relieved when the airlines began limiting checked bags?!  But he was always good natured about my excess baggage!

Oh, my!  What wonderful memories.  Thank you, Lord, for enabling us to see the world together.

My Aunt Marcille

Have you missed me?  Well, I've been in Tucson, Arizona, celebrating the 90th birthday of my only living aunt, Marcille Lynn.  Actually, she is my aunt by marriage.  Her husband (Sarah's dad) was my father's younger brother.

If I were a wagering woman, I would bet you 10 to 1 (whatever that means) that you have never known anyone like Marcille.  Here I am handing her a birthday card which says, "90 Incredible Years."  That is very appropriate!

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Now I had told Marcille we would do whatever she wanted to celebrate her birthday.  Personally, I was hoping she might choose a trip to the Canyon Ranch Spa for a mani-pedi or a massage.  Instead, she wanted the three of us to hike in Catalina State Park, where she has volunteered for 27 years.  She used to lead hikes and move rocks to arrange trails (!) but now she just collects entrance fees.  So off we went, searching for wild Mexican poppies.  She says we just went 2 1/2 miles.  It sure felt like more to this "youngster."

After the hike we went to lunch, where I presented her card, then to a butterfly exhibit at the Desert Museum.  Marcille is also a docent of long standing at the museum, and has a host of friends there. 

I'm summarizing this day very briefly, but it was exhausting to Sarah and me.  I don't think Marcille was as wiped out as we were!   Doesn't she still look pretty perky?

This perky little lady loves University of Arizona basketball.  She goes to all the home games with her grandson or great-grandson, if one or the other is available.  If not, she goes by herself!  She prepared breakfast for the whole family on a previous visit.  This time she treated the family to breakfast at her favorite spot.  She goes to theatre productions frequently.  In fact, she took us to see a most delightful one-woman show, Shirley Valentine, while I was there.  She had seen it several times before!

 
Marcille is an inspiration to me when it comes to maintaining physical strength through activity.  I remember that she was always hiking or mountain climbing when I was a growing up.  She told me that when she was 72 she had to be air lifted from the north rim of the Grand Canyon.  She had fallen and suffered a shoulder injury, but that certainly didn't stop her!  And you think I'm brave in traveling alone?  She is going to Costa Rica in May--alone--at 90!

This incident just took the cake!  I got home without a program for Shirley Valentine.  I have a special keepsake box for all my playbills, so I was disappointed.  Marcille drove back out to the theatre, got one for me, and drove by and left it in Sarah's mailbox on the way home from the U of A basketball game to which she had driven by herself--at night!

Marcille Lynn is one special aunt and lady.  I've got to go walk on my treadmill in my air conditioned exercise room while I watch my satellite TV.  That will make me like Marcille.  Won't it?

The Grannies Do All State

Has anyone mentioned that Madeline made All State choir?  Oh, I thought so!  Well, Shirley (other grandmother) and I drove down to San Antonio in person to take it all in!

Now on our last trip (to New York) we did something very embarrassing right off the bat.  The hotel gave each of us a key to our room.  We went upstairs, dropped our stuff, and headed off to Ruby Foo's with the fam for dinner.  It was quite late when we got back to the hotel, and I'm sure you can guess what's coming.  Yes, neither of us had our key with us.  Here we were, trying to look youthful and cool, and we had to trek down on the first night and get new keys.  So, on the way to San Antonio this past weekend, we resolved not to do anything that would make us appear, well...old. 

It didn't work out.  The morning after our arrival I was putting on my makeup and deciding that I would buy a small Keurig coffee maker to take on trips for hotels like this lousy Omni La Mansion Del Rio. (It is definitely NOT lousy.)  I was dying for my coffee.  Rob called and asked if he could bring us anything from McDonald's.  Shirley and I both said "Coffee!"  He said, "Haven't you made coffee in your coffee maker?"  No, we hadn't because we didn't have a coffee maker in our room.  Well, yes we did.  We just hadn't found it.  A cute 2-cup brewer slid out from a lovely cabinet.

We eagerly proceeded to get some coffee brewing.  I was kind of a smart aleck about it since I had had the same coffee maker in a hotel before.  I smartly showed Shirley where the little coffee packets went in the little tray, and she went to get the water.  We had lovely black ceramic (inside and out) coffee mugs. Classy!

When the brewing stopped, I removed my cup and poured one of our two creamers into it.  It looked so strange--like creamer in water in a black cup.  It WAS creamer in water in a black cup.  I had failed to reinsert the tray containing the coffee packets after showing Shirley how to do it!  At least Shirley doesn't use creamer, so I had one for my first cup!

We had such a great time on both trips.  We laugh at each other and with each other.  We spend most of our time looking for stuff we brought but can't find.  We talk about food and diets endlessly and then go eat whatever we want.  We reminisce about our happy times and miss our guys.  We just bask in the glow of our precious children and grandgirls.  We thank God constantly for all He has done for us.  We're two VBG's (that's Very Blessed Grannies.)